More and more often, people are looking for stress relief. Many are searching for the magic pill or potion, the relaxation CD or whatever they think will give them the stress relief they’re looking for.

However, sometimes you have to look within, and that need not be a scary place to go.

After many years of working with individuals to help them attain stress relief, I started to notice some patterns. For sure there are myriads of causes of stress. However, one particular pattern seems to repeat over and over again.

For many of my personal clients I noticed that stress was caused by a gap. This gap was between where they thought things were at right now, and where they thought things should be.

You probably want me to explain this a little further so let me give you some examples.

Some years ago my girlfriend pointed out the lifestyle we had, and commented that it was something that many people desire. I have a very pleasant home in the UK, opposite an attractive park. If I walk out into the park I can go through woodlands into the Peak District,. Now, while I love travelling all over the world, I still think that areas in the Peak District are amongst the most beautiful places on this planet.

What makes it even better is that because of the work I do, I have freedom to explore this beautiful place. Let’s say one day the sun is shining (this seems very rare in the UK right now) then assuming I have no clients for the next hour or two I can walk out of my door ,with my wonderful dog, go through the park and have a relaxing and enjoyable walk in nature.

Before I had this realisation of the lifestyle I actually had, I was somewhat dissatisfied and striving to get more, yet I actually had achieved most of what I wanted. So, by adjusting my thinking about how things actually are, I managed to remove a large layer of stress from my life.

Let me now give you an example of stress caused by thinking that things should be different.

Some years ago I was running a business which I truly felt should be further forward, more profitable and easier to run. I just kept seeing the stories about individuals who’d achieved tremendous success very quickly. I now know that, of course, these are rare individuals!

I have a good friend whom I trust and who has expertise in this area. When he looked at what was happening he pointed out that my business was actually very good – and much further ahead than most would be. So I was constructing a false idea of what things should be like, rather than recognizing that they were actually okay.

Perhaps if you have a similar trait and it’s causing you stress, you may benefit from looking at these two areas i.e. where you think things are at, and where you think they should be.

If you feel that things should be different, the questions you need to ask yourself are:
- “What is the reality of my situation?” and
- “Do I know for certain that they should be different or am I just assuming that they should be?”

Go out and gather some information, pay attention to your actual situation and re-assess.

Alternatively you may not be aware of where, in reality, you’ve got to. Take the time to pay attention to what you actually have, and ask yourself if this is at least partly what you want.

Wherever we are right now in life is where our core passions and values have lead us, and while you may want to change some of these, that’s a different issue.

Today, years after the realisation of the stress of the Gap, I now use mindfulness with many of my clients, that is, paying attention to both the here and now and the thoughts that just drift through our minds. This alone can be a powerful way of putting people back in touch with themselves, their passions and purposes and seeing what they’ve already achieved in life.

[tags]Stress Relief, relaxation cd, causes of stress, stress relief, lifestyle, running a business, success, relaxation, life, UK, freedom, course [/tags]