Have you ever met someone who seems to be incredibly confident in a way that feels so natural and right?  Someone who doesn’t need to shout, push and get all hyped up, they just exude confidence that’s almost infectious?

There are numerous effective techniques for boosting your confidence when you need it.  However, they’re just that! They’re techniques that, when you stop applying them, they stop working.  So the question must be: “Is there a way of building confidence into the core of your being?”  Or perhaps, “How can you transform yourself into a naturally confident person?”

The good news is that it can be done and in a way it’s a lot easier than you think. On the other hand it’s a lot more difficult than you think. If you want an instant fix then you won’t find it here.  When you’re looking at such a profound change within yourself it’s not going to happen in a few minutes, days or even weeks.

If you take as an ultimate truth in your life, the core principle that ‘we become what we practice’, it will transform everything you do.

To have success in anything in a reliable way, requires a combination of three things: knowledge, skills and positive habits.  Today, knowledge is more abundant than it has ever been.  It’s more accessible and easily understood than at any other time in history.  If knowledge were enough then we’d all be truly successful.

Skills and positive habits take time to develop.  As people demand more instant gratification, immediate solutions or dramatic changes, the development of skills and positive habits seem to become more difficult.  Nothing has changed, just expectations.  Both skills and positive habits require practice, discipline and repeated practice.

A major study by Oxford University found that the only common theme or trait shared by talented people was the commitment to frequent and regular practice - whether that was sport, music or anything else.

What’s interesting is that if you look at people at the peak in their field, while they’re active in that field they also put in the time to practice.  When they retire they tend to stop doing the practice.

Practice is the price to be paid for exceptional achievement.

Now let’s turn our attention back to natural confidence.  As the title of this article says, it comes from knowing who you are (that’s who you are right now) and being comfortable with it.  This is not to say that everything has to be right about you.  It just says you have to be comfortable with where you are right now and how you’re progressing through life.

You’ve probably heard a thousand times that life is like a journey.  Have you ever taken the time to really understand this analogy?

When you’re on a journey you’re never in the same place twice unless you get lost and wander about.  Isn’t this a bit like life where you often keep coming back to the same place rather than moving forward?  The same mistakes, the same hopes and desires that become dashed?  Perhaps there’s a similarity here as well.

A journey is about going from here to there.  However, at any point in time you’re neither here nor there, you’re on the journey.  Have you ever been on a journey where your focus is purely on your destination?  If the journey is a long one, then what you may have found is that your energy for the journey is decreased because the destination seems so far away. This can lead to strong emotions such as frustration, anger, resentment or even hopelessness.  While these may be extreme, think of it this way, many people who start on journeys cut them short because of these powerful feelings.

Think about marathon runners.  If their focus is the finish line then the race (the journey) can become too difficult.  The pain and exhaustion in front of them can become overwhelming.  The only way to successfully run a marathon is to take one step at a time.

When you’re on a long journey, if you take the approach of being comfortable with where you are on your journey right now, knowing that you will get to your destination, then the journey will be easier and more enjoyable.  The same is true of your life.

I’m comfortable with where I am right now in my life.  There are lots of things I want to change, and if you ask my girlfriend she can give you an even longer list!  However, I’m comfortable with where I am right now with all my imperfections, knowing that they will change and improve.

So there’s the first skills practice for becoming naturally confident.  Become comfortable with where you are at right now with all its inconsistencies and inadequacies, knowing that over time things will change and get better.

The next component of natural confidence is fear, or rather lack of it.  Let me put it a different way.  People generally talk about lack of confidence which, in many cases, is no more than fear.  So if you can eradicate the fear from your life you’ll have confidence.

To my mind fear comes in three types.  There’s fear of physical harm, there’s fear of scarcity and there’s fear of being found out.  Perhaps it will help if I expand on these a little

If a hungry tiger walked into the room you’re in right now, then it’s appropriate for you to have fear of physical harm.  That’s pretty clear.  This is the flight or fight response of nature.  It’s short-lived and is in response to genuine threats.  Fortunately today, most of us never encounter this.

Fear of scarcity is the fear that drives us to do things right now.  I have to find that life partner because there aren’t enough available people out there.  I have to work 60 or 70 hour weeks to get the sales because there might not be any more customers in the future.  I suspect this type of fear comes from the days when we were dependent on nature and where there could be feast or famine.  Today, fortunately, we hardly ever suffer from this.  At least in the West we now live in an incredibly abundant world where scarcity hardly exists except that we create in our own minds.

The big fear for most people is the fear of being found out.  This is the fear that other people may see us for who we actually are - some sort of fake, inadequate or worthless.  It’s what drives some people to exaggerate because they don’t feel good enough as they are.  It’s what makes us say yes we understand something even when we don’t, because we don’t want to appear foolish.

The fear of being found out is probably one of the strongest fears we regularly have.  It seems to be a major cause of stress for many people, somehow feeling we should be better or we’re not up to the task as we are.

You’re probably ahead of me already.  As you become comfortable with where you are right now in life and accept it, this fear will evaporate.  And since fear is directly related to confidence, as your fear levels drop, your confidence will rise and you’ll become more naturally confident.
The next component of natural confidence is your belief in yourself.  Studies have shown that past performance is not necessarily a good way to predict future performance. Poor performance previously can be the result of lack of belief in yourself. But if you start to believe in yourself and your skills and abilities, it’s likely you’ll succeed in the future.  In other words, whether you believe you can’t or you believe you can - you’re probably right – because that belief will determine the outcome.
That’s a very good reason to always maintain a strong belief in yourself wouldn’t you say?

So where does this belief in yourself come from?  For some time it’s been observed that one of the functions of the mind is to prove itself right.  You’ve probably had a discussion (argument) with someone with a different point of view – let’s say someone in customer services.  You see things one way and they see it another.  As you present the facts, you each interpret them in your own way.

What’s happening is that you’re each interpreting the evidence to support your own belief.  You’re probably well aware of some of the very strange beliefs that people have - like the world is flat or we never landed on the moon etc.  These of course stand out, but what about those smaller, internal beliefs such as believing you’re not worthy, you’re not good enough and so on? Your mind sets out to interpret the evidence around you to prove to you that this belief is true.

This leads us to question of whether we can change these beliefs and, if so, how?  Let’s say that you believe you can’t speak in public.  You may well have spent years gathering evidence to prove you can’t. But now, just for fun, imagine you believe completely the opposite.  Make a list of all the evidence that says you can speak in public.

You’ve probably been with a group of friends and spoken out about something in front of them.  You may have attended a meeting where you were in the audience, and you spoke out on a particular point.  If you spend a little while I’m confident you’ll build a long list supporting the fact that you do already have the ability to speak in public.

As your belief in your ability changes, then it becomes worth your while developing the skills to do it even better.  So, with the theme of this article being natural confidence, being comfortable with where you are right now in your ability to speak in public means you can become confident about it.  Then as you do speak in public, you can develop the skills to become even better.

While on the subject of the mind proving itself right, I’ve got a question for you.  How do you feel about other people who show natural confidence?  If you’re uncomfortable with them, resentful of them, or envious of them, what do you think is going on in your mind, given that it always wants to prove itself right,

The fact is that those negative feelings towards these people would extend to you too. The mind doesn’t want that to happen so if you become naturally confident, the mind will have a problem.

On the contrary, if you decided to feel good about others who are naturally confident, then in your mind’s quest to be always right, the subconscious part of your mind will support you in becoming naturally confident yourself.

So to sum up, natural confidence comes from being comfortable with who you are right now in your journey through life.  It takes skills and practice to build this and some acceptance of where you are right now, and by going out to find the evidence that you have confidence, your beliefs will change.

[tags]Confidence, article, solution, life, success, feelings, energy, fear, building confidence, lack of confidence, practice discipline, core principle, confident person, oxford university, profound change, practice, performance, exhaustion, frustration, belief, [/tags]